Mark Zuckerberg Is Too Rich To Have Hair Like A Half-Sucked Malteser

Mark Zuckerberg Is Too Rich To Have Hair Like A Half-Sucked Malteser

It’s a universal truth that insanely rich people have the worst taste in everything. Everything they like is inordinately expensive and aesthetically fucked. You walk through the gaudy double doors of a billionaire’s house and you’re guaranteed to see a grand sculpture dominating the room that costs more than Libya’s GDP and absolutely sucks ass. It’s inexcusable, the shit they like and spend money on. And it’s an entirely admirable scam in the sense that someone figured out rich people will sink untold fortunes on any old shit provided it smells like sandalwood and carries a price tag equivalent to the military’s funding. To that end, there is no earthly reason – with the ball-achingly large bank account that he has – for Mark Zuckerberg to be swanning about rocking hair that looks like a sucked-out mango.

Zuckerberg’s bullshit mop has drawn bulk heat online following his appearance before US Congress where he got absolutely fucken grilled over the various world-ruining transgressions Facebook has committed (please do not limit our page’s reach again Zucc you gross bitch).

Behold, the scorn of the online.

No matter how bad you are at your job, Zuckerberg’s hair stylist is worse. Can I get some croutons w/ that Caesar?

— Thom Fuhrmann (@6633north) October 25, 2019

My theory is that Zuckerberg doesn’t get haircuts, he just retracts his hair back into his skull

— Ken Klippenstein (@kenklippenstein) October 24, 2019

AOC: I have some questions about the robot that cuts your hair…

Zuckerberg: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH HAIRBOT! He’s my friend, and he’s good at cutting hair!!!

— pixelatedboat aka “mr tweets” (@pixelatedboat) October 23, 2019

Facebook’s Mark Zuckerberg testifies before the Hair Crimes Tribunal.

— pourmecoffee (@pourmecoffee) October 23, 2019

When you let your mom cut your hair and she tells you what a handsome young man you are #Zuckerberg

— Kelso (@wiscosrealkelso) October 23, 2019

Zuckerberg’s hair is slowly unfriending his forehead.

— The Great Pumpkin…Spice (@xLiserx) October 24, 2019

y’all: zuckerberg’s hair can’t hurt youzuckerberg’s FUCKING hair:

— ghost (@VULCANDROlD) October 24, 2019

Zuckerberg created Facebook to enable his disturbing incel fuelled misogyny, transformed it…

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